ently than they did before they were told of my "problem."

So began almost a year of weekly visits to the doctor. Soon after I started them I was sent to a research hospital for an entire day of psychological test- ing, to determine whether or not I was homosexual. The tests, as I knew in advance, came back. negative, and the Psychiatrist told me she had to be "sure" on that point before she could try and help me discover what the real problem was between me and my wife. Then and there, I got the feeling that while the doctor was most competent in most areas, she did not under- stand my particular situation. And I think that I was right! She kept trying to find some

basic problem in my relationship with my wife, other than my dressing and it just wasn't there. The trouble itself was the dressing, and all the problems in our marriage stemmed from that. But at least my weekly visits allowed me the opportunity to talk freely, and in so doing, I did gain a new propspective of myself. The visits did me some good, and I don't regret the time. spent, although I do not think that the end result was what the doctor was looking for. Eventual- ly, she felt that I had made a sa- tisfactory adjustment to my mar- raige problems, had overcome my need to crossdress and did not require further sessions. It was true that I understood my self better as well as my relation- ship to my wife, but the basic. need to dress was still there and

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no

amount of talking could change that.

My wife accepted me as cured and our marriage resumed as normally as possible, consider- ing the circumstances. I certainly did not suggest in any way to her that I was not cured, as I wanted our marriage to work. But the damage had been done and from 1968 to 1972 everything seemed to go downhill. Nothing I did ever seemed to satisfy her, and she was constantly complaining that I was not paying enough attention to her. Although honestly tried tried to please her,

something had gone out of the marriage and it appeared that it was only a matter of time before it broke up. As it turned out, it took almost four years to reach that point. She got a part-time job, then a second part-time job, then a third, until she was almost working around the clock on a split-shift basis. When I com- plained that she was hardly ever at home, she said, "You don't care anyway what does it mat- ter if I'm home or not?" And then she started bar-hopping, not caring what I or anyone else thought. The last day of Septem- ber, 1972, she came home and packed, and said that she was leaving for good.

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And what was I doing in the four years between the Doc- tor visists and the day she left? At the beginning, I made a re- solve to do my best to save our marriage, by stopping my dress- ing and trying to be the best hus- band possible. It seemed to work for about a year, and then I just couldn't stand it any longer and started dressing in secret again. I am sure that my wife did not suspect, because I would have heard about it from her -- imme- diately if she had discovered anything. So that could not have been the direct cause of her leav- ing, although it was the original cause of all of our problems.

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